Last fall my nephew/godson went off to college. As a going away gift, I gave him a day-by-day calendar with thoughts I gleaned from my journals. Outside of wondering why I did not put it in an electronic format (which I wouldn’t know how to do), he liked them. I thought I would share a few of those thoughts here.
- Pay enough attention to make sure you are not rude, but beyond this, whether someone likes you and wants to spend time with you is beyond your control.
- Instinct, emotion and rationality – pay close attention to these. Watch them working together and act on them while they interact with you. Have fun in their interplay with each other.
- Procrastination leaves that yes/no question unanswered for another day, week, year….
- Second-guessing your second-guessing leads to more indecisiveness.
- Trying to control what others think of you is lead weight on your back. It is easier to walk upright without it.
- Express your anger appropriately, instead of sucking it all up; mend the relationship afterwards if need be.
- You want a reaction. You want people to respond to you. Give them something substantial, rather than just trying to get a rise out of them.
- That letdown after your success? It is hard to sustain such intensity. A break was needed, time to regroup. You may have lost some of what you learned, but the success has become a part of you.
- There will always be criticism – all kinds of criticism – nothing you can do about that.
- In your idealism, remember to take into account the desire people have for power over other people’s lives.
- You are not the only one to fantasize about relationships – there is a reason for the over 50% divorce rate. Will you only be content with your fantasy?
- Mythologizing your life. Valuing your life via the stories you tell about it. Sounds fun!
- If you miss something over there because you were doing something over here, can’t you go back later to what you missed over there? Sometimes. Other times, you will have missed the moment. You miss more by waiting around for something to happen.
- Be suspicious of promoters who say the world is so different today and then attempt to sell you their idea of how to live in this different world.
- The cool people seem to have it together – they say less and put on a cool demeanor. They do not want their vulnerabilities exposed either.
- Seeing yourself as a failure for not acting is extreme. Seeing the day as a negative blip is more accurate.
- A good relationship gives comfort and allows you to take chances in other areas of life.
- People talk about finding themselves. If the goal is continued growth rather than finding a set point, wouldn’t it be better to talk about mapping the journey?
- Your anger is more manageable when it is more specific. No longer being angry at the world, but with individuals who treat you poorly or cut you off in traffic.
- Don’t be so focused that you give up on other interests. Don’t be so unfocused that you don’t accomplish anything.
- Mission statement? To pursue your value system? Not bad.
Reggie E, MSW, CEAP, joined Empathia in 2005 as an EAP Counselor. Reggie has a master’s degree in Social Work as well as bachelor’s degrees in Philosophy and the Comparative Study of Religion from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Prior to a career change to social work, he worked in a variety of fields including banking, trucking and metal fabrication.
